A Promise to Keep Read online

  “But it could be.”

  Ronni shook her head.

  “Because of Scott?”

  “Pretty darn good reason, don’t you think?”

  Amelia raised one shoulder. “You don’t wear a wedding ring.”

  Ronni rubbed the bottom of her left ring finger. Once the skin had been smooth where the gold band had rubbed against it. “I took it off before Scott got hurt.”

  “And yet you never put it back on again. Think about why you’re still with him. Obligation—”

  “I prefer the term responsibility.”

  “Okay. Still, not really a fabulous reason. I mean, I think love can grow out of a sense of obligation. Finn didn’t want me in his house last summer any more than I wanted to be there. He took me in because of obligation. Or, as you prefer, a sense of responsibility toward Jordan, Chip and me. But love grew out of that. Is your love for Scott going to grow? Or has that gone the other way?”

  “I wouldn’t have married him if I hadn’t loved him.”

  “But...?”

  “But every time I found he’d lied to me, some of that love died. The pain over his cheating killed it—killed me—more every day.”

  “And now?”

  “When I found out what he’d done to Nick, using him, maybe the last piece vanished. I still care what happens to Scott. There were good moments.”

  “Of course there were. But is that enough for now? For tomorrow? The next day? Where does your obligation to him end and your obligation to yourself begin?”

  Ronni dropped her hands into her lap, continuing to caress the spot where her wedding ring had once circled her finger. Amelia’s probing question hit hard.

  “And what about your obligation to Nick? What kind of example are you setting for him?”

  Ronni jerked her head up. “What? I’m setting an excellent example. You don’t cut and run. You see things through.” She’d cut and run with Ian. The biggest mistake of her life. She wasn’t going to be that weak again.

  “You let people walk all over you, break your heart, hurt you, and you stick around to take care of them. And you wonder why Nick is still trying to get the attention of the girl who got him into trouble?”

  Ronni leaned back, stunned into silence. Was that the lesson her son had inadvertently learned?

  “I should probably confess I’m not the world’s biggest advocate of marriage,” Amelia admitted. “Especially where jerks are concerned. So take that into account.”

  A parade of cars began pulling into the dirt parking lot yards from the shelter. Doors slammed and the boisterous voices of children filled the air. White-clad little ones swarmed the area, demanding food. The bigger ones, men included, followed.

  Jordan, with her best friend—her “BFF”—Shelby, who’d come down from Maine for a two-week summer visit on her way to her father’s, charged over to the table.

  Today Jordan’s medical mask featured a mouth with a large director’s horn coming from it.

  Ronni smiled. “That’s a great mask. I think Greg needs to start a sideline business. If the swine flu ever takes off next year, he could make a killing selling those.”

  Jordan’s eyes flickered briefly at her mother, shooting daggers her way. “I suppose,” the girl said. “Mom, Dad says we’re going to eat at one of the picnic tables over by the water, away from the group. He said Shelby can come.”

  “Of course Shelby can come.”

  Shelby inched closer to Jordan, elbowing her in the side.

  “And Nick?” Jordan asked. “Can he eat with us, too?”

  “I suppose that’s fine with me if it’s okay with Ronni.”

  “Fine by me, too. Just don’t be appalled by his table manners. And don’t get between him and the food. That can be dangerous.”

  Shelby giggled.

  “So, how’s the movie coming?”

  “Great. We moved a lot faster once you guys left. There’s only one more scene I want to shoot, and we can’t do that until later. Let’s go get something to eat, Shelby.” The pair turned in unison.

  “Wait,” Ronni called. “Where’s Nick?”

  “He and Uncle Hayden are changing in the bathroom by the parking lot. Uncle Greg said absolutely no eating in the costumes,” Jordan yelled over her shoulder. The girls trotted off toward the long table at the front of the pavilion where the food, everything from baked beans to ziti, had been set out.

  “How long does she have to wear the mask? If looks could kill—”

  “I’d have been dead a long time ago.” Amelia offered a wry smile while shaking her head. “I wanted to go with a full year, which would be October. We’ve compromised with the beginning of the new school year at the end of August. She’s been on cyberschool for so long, she’s really looking forward to going back to classes, and insists on doing it without the mask. As long as her blood counts are good, and there are no big outbreaks of anything contagious, then I’m going to have to live with it.”

  Amelia leaned forward, propping her elbows on the wooden table. “Listen, Ronni, about Hayden....”

  Ronni sighed. “Amelia, I know you mean well. But...” She shook her head. “Even if I wasn’t still married to Scott, I don’t think Hayden is what I’d want in a new guy. If I ever get involved again, I’m looking for a lot more than a love-’em-and-leave-’em guy.”

  “Is that all you see? Surely you’ve already realized there’s a lot more to Hayden than that. He helped take care of me last summer when I was on bed rest with Chip. If I needed something, he was there. He came up with thoughtful solutions to some of the problems I was having. He rubbed his pregnant sister’s feet. How many guys do you know who’d do that? I mean, you can get them to do something like that if they might get sex, but this was just because her feet hurt.”

  “I know he can be nurturing.” He’d certainly proved that when Ronni had had her headache.

  “He’s protective of his family. He warned me against hurting Finn.” Amelia chuckled. “He scared the life out of the boy who gave Jordan her first kiss.” Her expression sobered. “He came home from Shannon and Greg’s wedding covered in Jordan’s blood, and never batted an eyelash. The stuff that’s got you scared? The way he goes through women like other people go through shoes? That’s how he protects himself. I think Hayden’s so afraid of getting hurt himself, he makes sure it can’t happen. I also think that when he falls, he’s going to be a forever guy. Just like his father.”

  When Ronni didn’t respond, Amelia added, “Did you know he hasn’t had a single date since he started hanging out with you and Nick?”

  “He hasn’t?”

  Amelia shook her head.

  “And you’re telling me all this why? It’s not like he’s going to fall for me.” Ronni glanced over Amelia’s shoulder to find Hayden and Nick approaching. Hayden had his arm draped around her son’s shoulders. Nick broke away and rushed toward the food table.

  Hayden looked her way, meeting her gaze. And smiled at her.

  Her stomach went to mush, and a warm tingle spread through her body.

  Amelia cleared her throat. “Hayden’s here, huh?”

  “What?” Ronni returned her glance to the woman across from her.

  Amelia stole a peek over her shoulder. “I rest my case. Everything about you just brightened like someone replaced a forty-watt bulb with a hundred-watt.” She rose from the table. “Obligation to yourself, Ronni. See you later.”

  Where did obligation to self begin or end, compared with plain old selfishness? Was it horrible and wrong to even imagine something more than the tedious existence her life had become?

  Ronni pondered all Amelia had said and more as the Hawkins crew bustled around her, the cheerful cacophony a balm for her spirits.

  A plate nearly overflowing with a hamburger, potato salad, baked beans and coleslaw appeared in front of her. A matching plate, two bottles of water, and plastic utensils wrapped in napkins joined it.

  Hayden sat down beside her, close enoug
h that his arm brushed hers. “Hey. Brought you something to eat.”

  “So I see. Why do you keep trying to feed me?”

  “Someone has to. Besides, I heard the way to a woman’s heart is through her stomach.” His smile reached his eyes.

  “Since when do you care about a woman’s heart?”

  Hayden’s mouth engaged before his brain did. “Since now.”

  Holy crap, had he actually said that to her out loud? Even more startling, he realized it was true. Ever since that moment in his garage when she’d confessed to wanting his kiss, and had then pulled back, he’d been on edge. Wrestling with the desire that flared the moment she neared. But he’d also found himself more and more enmeshed in Ronni and Nick’s daily lives.

  Found himself at home there.

  Almost as if they were a family.

  Almost as if he belonged.

  Ronni stared at him with rising eyebrows. On unfamiliar ground, he opted to revert to the familiar. He leaned his head lower, closer to her ear. “Not just your heart. I’m interested in other parts of you, too. When you look at me like you did a few minutes ago, I want you. I seem to spend half my days hard with wanting you.”

  She turned her head away, cheeks flaming. Embarrassment, or desire?

  He took her hand, tucked it under the table palm-up on his thigh, caressing it with his fingertip.

  “What are you doing?” she muttered, trying to pull her hand back. He pressed down, keeping it captive.

  “Touching you. Holding your hand like a guilty teenager in the high school cafeteria.”

  “And you don’t think anyone’s going to notice?”

  “They’ll notice it a lot more with the fuss you’re making.”

  “You’re not supposed to touch me. We can’t—”

  “I know.” He traced along the edge of her hand, then around each finger. “This is controlled touching. An escape valve. To release some of the tension building between us.”

  “I—I—” she stuttered as he moved to her wrist, and then up the smooth skin of her forearm “—I can’t eat without my hand.”

  “True.” He sighed, brought his own onto the table to pick up his napkin-wrapped utensils. “I won’t interfere with that.” A moment later, as he chomped into his burger, the hair on his neck prickled. He glanced around and found Greg staring at him with a frown. He shook his head at Hayden.

  His brother had seen. And knew what was going on under the table. Probably figured it had been even worse than it had.

  Hayden scanned the pavilion to locate their mother, who fortunately had her back turned, then flipped off his brother. Greg pulled out his cell phone, thumbs moving rapidly.

  Hayden’s back pocket vibrated. He ignored it, taking another bite of his burger.

  Greg waved his phone in the air. He took one step in Hayden’s direction, now scowling. Meaning read my text and answer it, or I’m coming over there, and you won’t like it.

  Reluctantly, Hayden dug his cell from his pocket. “How’s the potato salad?” he asked Ronni as she picked at her food. “I made it.”

  She jerked her head up. “You did not. You don’t even own a pot, let alone a potato peeler.”

  “Okay, so I bought it at Wegmans. You gonna tattle to my mom on me?”

  A small smile quirked her mouth. “Pretty sure she already knows. At least you didn’t bring the leftovers in the takeout containers in your fridge.”

  “Hey, there’s some good stuff there. Finn’s been experimenting with new recipes now that he’s got Fresh back up and running.” Hayden finally glanced at Greg’s text message.

  Beers tonight my lair. 9. Finn 2. Be there or we’ll come looking for u.

  Shit. It wasn’t just sharing beers his brother had in mind.

  ###

  Hayden treaded lightly upon reaching the second floor of Greg’s house that evening. He’d been forewarned via text that Ryan and Shannon, both exhausted from the day’s events, had turned in early. As Hayden passed the room that had been the upstairs theater when he’d lived in the house with Finn and Greg, a scant few years ago, the sharp scent of fresh paint drew his attention.

  He swung the door partway open and clicked on the overhead light. All the old furniture had been removed. Fresh white walls bore faint pencil marks. Greg undoubtedly had an elaborate mural planned for this room. The future nursery.

  Hayden’s ribs constricted. Greg now had a stepkid, and a baby of his own on the way. Finn had a teenager of his own through a twist of fate, and an almost-year-old son.

  Both had women they intended to spend the rest of their lives with.

  Hayden had...an empty place of his own.

  He flicked off the light. Stood in the doorway for a few moments.

  Finally, he moved on. Ignoring the waist-high stop sign on another door down the hall, he opened it. Climbed the five steps to what once had been the attic, but was now Greg’s work space and sanctuary. A window air conditioner hummed away, cooling the area to a bearable temperature.

  As he passed Greg’s drawing board, he glanced at the sketches there—preliminary panels for Greg’s latest Y-Men comic book.

  Superhero memorabilia decorated the walls. Greg and Finn were already sprawled on the futon in the sitting area of the studio. The wall behind them featured a mural Greg had done of his various brothers, each as a superhero. The two oversize chairs that faced the futon were empty. Four dark bottles, condensation already sliding down the sides, graced the small coffee table.

  Four.

  “Ian’s birthday’s not for a while yet,” Hayden pointed out, dropping into one of the chairs. It was only the end of June. Ian’s birthday fell on July 21. The last non-birthday time one of them had seen fit to invoke their missing brother had been the night of Chip’s birth, when Finn had been drowning his sorrows over Amelia banning him from the delivery room.

  “We know that,” Greg said. “But since he’s part of this...”

  Shit. That confirmed it. They wanted to hammer Hayden about Ronni.

  Each brother grabbed an ale, twisting off the cap and tossing it on the table, where they collided like hockey pucks on ice. Then each man set his beer down without drinking.

  “You do the honors tonight, Hay,” Finn said.

  With a sigh, Hayden grabbed the fourth bottle, opening it and holding it aloft. “Ian,” he intoned. “All for one and one for all.” He took a swig, then passed it to Greg.

  “Ian.” Greg and Finn repeated the ritual they’d instituted in their younger brother’s memory. His bottle got parked on the fourth corner of the table, in front of the empty chair.

  “Okay,” Hayden said. “Let’s just get this over with, huh? I’ve got places to go and things to do.”

  “Guilty conscience? What makes you think we wanted anything more than to share a beer with our brother? The one who’s been so busy lately we’ve barely seen him?” Finn reclined against the futon’s pillow, bottle resting on his chest. “But I’m with you. I’ve got to pick up Jordan from the roller skating rink in—” he checked his watch “—about an hour. Amelia’s home, pacing the floor, counting the minutes. It’s the first time she’s let Jordan do something like this.”

  “What about you, Hayden? You got a hot date tonight?” Greg asked.

  “Nope.”

  “A cold date? One of your check-’em-out, see-if-you-want-to-even-give-’em-thirty-days dates?”

  “Nope.”

  “Have you had any dates of any kind since you started hanging out at Ronni’s?”

  Hayden lifted one shoulder. “I dunno. I’ve been busy with Nick.”

  “You don’t know?” Finn’s tone suggested incredulity. “Check your calendar. We want to know.”

  “Screw off. My personal life is none of your business.”

  Greg and Finn exchanged glances. “Told you,” Greg said. He turned to Hayden. “Are you sleeping with Ronni?”

  They stared him down until he finally caved. He needed to talk about it. About her. “
No.” He slumped against the back of the chair.

  “But you’re thinking about it?”

  He sighed. “Every other minute of every damn day.”

  “But...she’s Ian’s girl.” Finn set his beer on the table.

  “You know, I think if we’d kept her in the family all along, I’d still think of her as Ian’s girl. But we didn’t. We pushed her out. She hasn’t been Ian’s girl for more than thirteen years. I don’t think he’d mind. I think he’d tell me to go for it.” If Hayden could truly live up to the promise he’d made, and take care of Ian’s family, he knew his younger brother would cheer him on.

  “Maybe. Maybe not. But in either case, now she’s Scott’s wife,” Greg said gently, leaning forward. “What the hell are you thinking, Hay? That’s a line you don’t cross.”

  “I know. We haven’t.” He slid farther down in the chair, stomach tightening. “I want...”

  “Her?” Finn said. “We get that. Greg said you nearly burned down the picnic pavilion today just by sitting next to her.”

  Hayden shook his head. A lump formed in his throat. What the foxtrot was wrong with him? “More,” he croaked. “I want...more. With her. Them. Nick, too.”

  Both his brothers cursed at the same time—though their word choices varied. Then they both stared at him, wide-eyed.

  “Say something,” Hayden finally begged.

  “I’m so sorry, man. I had no idea....” Finn shook his head. “I never thought you’d give it up. But to give it up to a woman you totally can’t have, at least right now...” His brother sighed. “Sucks, bud.”

  “Give what up?”

  “Your heart, you big lunkhead,” Greg said. “You’re in love with her!”

  “What?” He bolted upright. “No. No way. It hasn’t even been two months since the meeting at the courthouse with Nick’s probation officer. I haven’t slept with her, for God’s sake!”

  Finn chuckled. “Yeah, well...I didn’t sleep with Amelia before I fell, either.”

  “Only because you couldn’t. Chip’s life—hell, Jordan’s life—was at stake.”

  “And...you can’t, either,” Greg pointed out. “What’s the first thing you think about when you wake up?”